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6/18/05 - Fresno

I believe it was in 1997 when I was getting a blowjob from an overweight black chick while driving my mom's '89 Cherokee through a Walmart parking lot in west Fresno...and I thought to myself, "Is this the kind of life I want for myself?" the only thing I remember about her was that her brother liked Rush Limbaugh.

6/18/05 - Fresno

Attila's Buns

Attila's Buns are the tallest in the land
he with the tallest buns shall bow before no man

Attila's buns make him the tallest hun
Attila's buns shall never run, son

He takes in hand the Surveyor of Land,
"with these buns I shall rule with an unwavering hand"

Attila's Buns are the tallest in the land
he with the tallest buns shall bow before no man

7/15/05 - Fresno, CA

I've been watching this show called Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction...it's on the Sci Fi channel. they show you five shorts in an hour and at the end they tell you whether or not each of the stories is true. I'll give you a rundown of today's shorts and then you can guess which are true stories and which are false.

1. Deaf No More

a rock n roller from the 60's now owns a guitar store. from all the loud music he listened to in the 60's and 70's, his hearing ability has decreased and he now has to wear a hearing aid. the hearing aid doesn't work so well and he oftentimes cannot hear his customers, and thus their requests. business is not so good. one day, two modern-day rockers come in to his store and start playing power chords on his merchandise. they're going off, they're really into it. somehow, the shop owner can tell the music is too loud and he tells them to turn down their volume. one of the rockers says: "If it's too loud, you're too old." they are both defiant, and exhude an attitude of rebelliousness. the shop owner starts talking about how he jammed with everybody back in the day...he was establishing his cred: "I jammed with Cream, Hendrix, Big Brother, all them..."

the shop owner takes one of the guitars and starts wailing on it...Steve Vai style (in other words, not sounding at all like the solos they played in the 60's). the rockers are so blown away by this solo that one of them, the more defiant one, trips over a drum set. they leave the store; one of them has developed a respect for the shop owner, the other vows revenge (the one who tripped over the drum set). later that night, the rockers come back and start playing this really loud recorded metal music through guitar amps...they even have these flashing lights. it is so loud that the windows of the shop get shattered. the shop owner comes to the door and pleads with them to turn it down. they turn it up. the man falls to the ground and there is some electrical activity happening with his hearing aid. it seems like he is going to die, but when he gets up and the music is turned off, he can suddenly hear again, just as good as when he was young. "I can hear!" he says.

true or false? answer tomorrow. I got almost all of them right, but I'm not going to tell you my guess until tomorrow.

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